Something weird happened as I worked on the second edition of Absolute OpenBSD: people started sending me haiku. The first edition included a haiku at the beginning of each chapter, something apropos to the topic.
TCP/IP
Learn how it fits together
You cannot escape
I reviewed the old book before outlining the new version, and the haiku made me wince. They’re mediocre at best. I considered dropping them from the new edition, or perhaps replacing them with quotes on trust, but an informal Twitter poll came out overwhelmingly in favor of the haiku. This demonstrates that computing professionals have lousy taste in poetry, or that an author is permitted no opinion on the quality of his own work. Or both.
Frankly, the haiku my fans send are better than the ones I write. Some of mine are okay, but they can’t compete with someone else’s inspiration.
So, here’s the deal:
You’ll find the outline for the second edition in my September status blog post. Each chapter needs a haiku.
Post your English-language haiku here, along with valid contact information and your name as you’d like to be credited. If your haiku is better than what I have for that chapter, I’ll use yours instead of mine. By posting your haiku here, you give me permission to use it in the book. Winners will be selected by me, at my sole discretion, based on whatever criteria I feel like using at the time. Your best bet is to amuse me.
If you don’t want to post your haiku, you can email it to me. Use the subject of “ao2e haiku” to avoid the Horrible Black Void that awaits most email I receive.
What is a haiku? Real haiku are in Japanese. I can’t use real haiku — I can’t even read real haiku. For my purposes, a haiku has:
You might note that my leading haiku breaks two of these three rules. It amuses me, however, which is more important than any other characteristic. But if you can follow all three rules in a haiku about packet filtering, I’ll be slightly impressed.
Both entries and attributions must be PG-rated. As in, no obscenity. Sorry, folks, I know that obscenity is a staple in sysadmin circles, but AO2e is supposed to be a clean family book.
I’m not limiting entries per person, but I can say that if you flood me with dozens of mediocre haiku I’ll probably miss the the one awesome one you do post. (“Oh, it’s him again. Sigh.”)
So, what’s in it for you?
Selected haiku will appear at chapter headings in the second edition of Absolute OpenBSD, with attribution. This is your chance at eternal fame. Selected haiku-ists will get an ebook of the finished book. If I can swing a sufficient number of physical copies, I’ll give those out as well. Depends on how many winners and how many copies I get.
Competition will remain open until I finish the first draft of the book. I’m writing frantically, hoping to get a first draft done by mid-November. If I make that deadline, the book can exist for BSDCan 2013. That would be awesome. Can I make that deadline? Dunno. I’m holding the contradictory ideas “no, that’s impossible” and “sure I can!” in my brain simultaneously.
So, in closing:
Lucas is lazy
Your haiku makes him chortle?
Get free electrons.
I have a little quote from my uncle which can be used for a chapter on crash recovery:
Life is like looking into your own ass, its shit everywhere.
Its not a Haiku, but its good motivation for a nights work.
Never overestimate
Never underestimate
Know what you do
“Network Connections”
Gently packets fail
My gateway unreachable
I crimp cables again
“IPv4 & IPv6”
My tunnel is now up
I can do IPv6
Me and three other guys
“Root, and how to avoid it”
I see no problem
He said as he typed again
rm -rf
“Desktop OpenBSD” (hey, I got weather in this one)
Spring comes and hope rises
Optimism runs rampant
Let’s try KDE
“Packet Filter”
Puffy in water
Packet filter in action
Help us! Save our souls!
0: Introduction
Pure, simple, elegant,
Security is built in.
Code correctness wins.
1: Community Support
The one that already amused you:
Mailing lists are rough.
Homework is mandatory.
Love it or leave it.
Here’s a new one, which I posted to ports@ on Oct 10 after I had a PEBKAC:
For lack of a clue
We waste developers’ time.
Tread carefully now.
2: Installation Prep
Some old piles of junk
Should be reused; re-purposed.
The Phoenix rises!
3: Installation Walk-Through
Straightforward questions.
Will you take the default prompts?
Think before you choose.
4: Post-Install Setup
Stop using passwords!
You should read Mike’s other books,
Admins need to think.
5: Booting
Multistage booting,
Is mostly hidden from you.
Then you get a prompt.
6: User Management
All your resources are
Under the admin’s control.
Access is granted
7: Root, and how to avoid it
Beware of your power.
You don’t want to be known as
Ozymandius.
8: Disks & Filesystems
Getting to your files,
Once you know which disk is which
Is very simple.
9: More Filesystems
Sharing with others.
We teach it to our children
And computers too.
10: OpenBSD Security Features
Some programs runs well.
Not like all the others do.
We permit them here.
11: IPv4 & IPv6
Different layers?
Our results should be the same,
If we do this right.
12: Network Connections
Information flows.
Packets travel here to there.
Communication.
13: Software Management
It’s so simple, dude.
Do you know what you’ve installed?
A utility.
14: /etc
This is so easy!
All my configs in one place
And in plain text, too.
15: Maintenance
There are nightly jobs
That produce simple reports.
Be sure to read them.
16: Daemons (sensorsd, snmp, etc)
Automated tasks
Simplify the admin’s life
Engaged when needed.
17: Desktop OpenBSD (cwm, tmux, etc)
Of course its easy
Once your desktop is set up
The way you want it.
18: Kernel Configuration
Make kernel changes
Like disabling a driver.
And then just reboot.
19: Building Custom Kernels
Not for the clueless,
Nor for the Linux admin.
You’ll get no support.
20: Upgrading
Packages are quick
And upgrades are quite easy
If you keep in sync.
21: Packet Filtering
The tool is easy.
Understand your network apps?
Knowledge must come first.
22: managing PF
Dynamic changes
Can be helpful to adopt.
Just use Anchor points.
23: edges
Interconnections
Highlight OpenBSD.
We live on the edge.
Afterword
Simple to deploy.
Network interconnected
OpenBSD.
I scream for ice-cream
When heart beats by warmth of Love
Even in my dreams
Upgrading:
Feeling old and due
Issue pkg_add -u
Fresh as morning dew
Software management:
Intertwined as weed
In beautiful harmonies
Ports and packages
/etc:
Configuration
Kept in /etc
Not spread all around
Daemons:
Working behind scenes
Taking care of vital things
The daemon is here!
Kernel Configuration:
O lord, we praise
in summer or fall,
kernel makes my day
Desktop OpenBSD:
From former times,
through thick and thin –
keeping the console tradition
My haiku could make one take their own life, but here goes:
shady business deals
all start with firm handshakes
who is watching you?
finished the upgrade
my files have disappeared
lets check lost + found
function over form
its how its always been done
no gui for you
the root of all evil
is never far from your touch
sudo saves your life
thank you for your books
they keep me safe in dark times
i love BSD
-Ludy
1: Community Support
To get yourself help
First you must read the FAQ through
misc@ will destroy you
=============================
11: IPv4 & IPv6
IPv4 dead
but IPv6 is poo
at least it isn’t DECnet
=============================
17: Desktop OpenBSD (cwm, tmux, etc)
flash and java, no!
we consider that a feature
you will be ok
=============================
19: Building Custom Kernels
just use generic
do not make something custom
you are screwed
=============================
20: Upgrading
here, use this patch wuss
fine there is also sysmerge, too
Read carefully all instructions.
夜の雨
流れーつに
春遠し
yoru no âme
nagare hitotsu ni
haru toushi
night rain meandering
down the banks of the lonely river
spring is distant