Misc: Books, and April Fool’s

Absolute OpenBSD is at the printer. I can do nothing more on this book. For better or worse, the book is complete. I’m resisting the urge to scream “I can do it better! Give me the book back, I will rewrite it until it doesn’t suck!”

I got copyedits back on DNSSEC Mastery. Hopefully, the ebook will be available on the weekend, with print next month.

On an unrelated note

April 1st is a tedious day, with all the efforts to be funny drifting around the Internet. Unless, of course, you’re the one pulling the gag, in which case it’s freaking hilarious. I don’t pull pranks, of course.

Unless they’re really, REALLY good. So I’d like to present a flash from the past here, and point you at FretBSD.

And, of course, there’s always the Great Committer. You know, I haven’t spoken with John Baldwin much since that post. Odd, really…

Upcoming Appearances

For those who want the dubious pleasure of encountering me in meatspace:

I am a guest at Penguicon April 26-28, 2013, in Pontiac, MI, USA.

I am teaching at BSDCan, May 15-18, 2013, in Ottawa, Ontario, CA.

I expect to have copies of Absolute OpenBSD at both events. (Penguicon might be pushing it, but I’m hopeful.) I’ll sell them in person for $50USD. This is a little more expensive than buying them online, but you get hand delivery and possibly even a handshake depending on how many people have been poking at me in the recent past. Also, I hate carrying change.

Why do I sell books, instead of giving them away to all the fans who take the trouble to come see me? One, because I have to pay for them. Two, because mortgage.

2013 Projects and 2012 Errata

When you set goals for a year, you need to tell people about them. The potential embarrassment of having to admit failure helps you complete the goals. With that in mind, here are my goals for 2013:

1) I will do three short technology books through my private label (aka “self-publish”). The first, on DNSSec, is underway. Some text exists, and I’m making copious use of scratch paper and whiteboards to figure out how to explain KSKs, ZSK, and the signature and key lifecycle in a coherent manner. (If you happen to have a good resource for this, please feel free to point me at it in the comments.)

2) I will write & self-publish one novel. If I write nothing but nonfiction, my brain freezes up and the tech books become unreadable. If I’m going to write fiction anyway, I might as well release it. Attempting to traditionally publish a novel takes more time and energy than writing a book and will probably fail, so I prefer to spend that T&E writing. The odds of the book succeeding are negligible either way, so I’d prefer to do so in the least expensive manner.

3) If I accomplish both of these early enough, I will continue writing. I will indulge myself in trying something that’s “just crazy enough to work,” like, say, “dc(1) Mastery” or “netstat Mastery.”

Now here’s a leftover from 2012:

Richard Bejtlich has reviewed hundreds and hundreds of technology books over the last ten years. For a time, he was one of Amazon’s Top 100 reviewers. Each year he posts a list of the best books he’s read, and gives one book the “Best Book Bejtlich Read” (BBBR) award. The award and $5 will get me a nice gelato.

I’ve been on the top 10 list before, in 2007, for Absolute FreeBSD, and 2006 for PGP & GPG.

2012’s BBBR went to (drumroll): SSH Mastery.

This comes with some caveats, mind you. Bejtlich read and reviewed only one tech book in 2012, and this is his final BBBR award. I had no competition. But I’m okay with that.

Bejtlich no longer reviews tech books, which I personally find disappointing. (I mean, how can I not like reviews that start start off with The master writes again? That’s the sort of thing I bookmark for those nights I get really depressed and start contemplating a shot of whiskey and a small handgun.)

Life changes, however, and he’s working in other areas now, so: Richard, so long, and thanks for all the fish. I’m still putting that last quote on the cover of the DNSSec book, though.

TWP sponsoring BSDCan 2013

The money has left my bank account, so I guess this is official: Tilted Windmill Press (the LLC under which I self-publish) is the official T-shirt sponsor of BSDCan 2013.

Why do this? First, it’s important to give back to my community. BSDCan is one of the biggest and oldest cross-BSD conferences, and this sponsorship will buy plane tickets for several speakers. Second, independent publishers must meet two standards: a) write good books, and b) don’t be a jerk. This should put a touch more weight on the “not a jerk” side of the scale. Plus, everybody who goes to BSDCan will get a T-shirt featuring the TWP busted knight logo. That’s pretty dang cool, to me at least.

As I know someone will ask, I’ll also say: the conference is being paid for out of TWP profits, not out of my pocket. Self-publishing does work, and can be profitable. See point 2 above.

And if I can sponsor a BSD conference, you can too! BSDCan has cool sponsorships available, as do EuroBSDcon, and NYCBSDCon. Admittedly, there’s nothing quite as cool as being the T-shirt sponsor, but still, if I can swing that surely you or your employer can do something.

Technology versus Democracy

Yesterday’s election was mostly a primary, but also included a few millage issues. The purpose of a primary is to keep the obvious maniacs from getting onto the final ballot, so I make the effort to vote. (Your definition of “obvious maniacs” probably differs from mine, but that’s okay.)

I’m waiting for verification, and am glad to see that they’ve finally replaced the big printed books with a laptop. But all of the verification people are standing around the laptop, getting more and more frustrated. One of them is on the phone. “Yes, we entered the password. No, it’s not letting us into the site. He’s entering it again. Yes, I’m sure the Caps Lock key is off. He’s trying again. Yes, the password we’re using is ‘election’.”

I’m third person in line. The line is growing quickly behind me. I peer at the laptop, lean in, and quietly say “Excuse me, but your Caps Lock light is on.”

The guy at the keyboard turns off Caps Lock, the password is entered, and the poll workers quickly get us all through. Everybody hails me as a technical genius. Which I might well be, if you define “genius” as “someone who looks to see WHICH LIGHTS ARE ON.”

I have three points to make on this seemingly pointless anecdote:

  • In discussions about electronic voting machines, remember: these are the people who have time and interest to work the polls. They have no awareness of good security practice. They don’t troubleshoot, because they don’t really know how to. It’s not a question of age: one of the people was a senior citizen, two were middle-aged, and one mid-twenties.
  • If you have time to volunteer as a poll worker, do so. Democracy isn’t about voting; it’s about doing things to help your community.
  • I am the savior of democracy. In Precinct Three, at least.
  • PS: I didn’t include the real password here, but the actual password was just as bad.

    Splitting blog?

    I usually post two different sorts of items here: tech articles, and publishing articles. Would you lot prefer I did two separate blogs? I would probably still feed both to third parties such as Twitter and Facebook, but it appears that most of my readers use RSS.

    If nobody cares, I’ll leave things as they are.

    Permalinks Updated

    For an unrelated project, I learned how to make WordPress permalinks. I made that change on the blog this morning. My testing shows that they work, and that incoming links are redirected correctly.

    If you should see a problem, please drop me a note.

    my OpenBSD story

    The folks at undeadly.org have started posting “how I discovered OpenBSD” stories. This isn’t a story of how I discovered OpenBSD, but rather why I like it. Before you ask, I don’t have similar stories about any other operating system, not even any other BSDs. I was guided to FreeBSD in 1995, and I discovered NetBSD on my own shortly after. (An earlier version of this was previously published in a small promo pamphlet handed out at a tech conference years ago.)

    Back around 2000, my employer’s main business was designing Web applications, but once those applications were built our clients would turn around and ask “Where should we host this?” That’s where I came in, building and running a small but professional-grade data center for custom applications.

    As with any new business, our hosting operation had to make the most of existing resources. Hardware was strictly limited to cast-off hardware from the web developers, and software had to be free. The only major expense was a big-name commercial firewall, purchased for marketing reasons rather than technical ones. With a whole mess of open-source software, we built a reliable network management system that provided the clients with a more insight into their equipment than their in-house people could offer. The clients paid for their own hardware, and so had fancy high-end rackmount servers with their chosen applications, platforms, and operating systems. As the business grew we upgraded the hardware – disk drives less than five years old are nice – but saw no need to replace the software.

    One Monday morning, a customer that had expected to use very little bandwidth found that they had sufficient requests to devour twice the bandwidth we had for the entire datacenter. This affected every customer. If your $9.95/month web page is slow you have little to complain about, but if your multiple-thousands-of-dollars-a-month Web application is slow you pick up the phone and scream until the problem stops.

    To make matters worse, my grandmother had died only a couple days before. Visitation was on Tuesday, the funeral Wednesday morning. I handed the problem to a minion and said “Here, do something about this.” I knew bandwidth could be managed at many points: the Web servers themselves, the load balancer in front of them, the commercial firewall, and even the router all claimed to have traffic management capacity.

    Tuesday after visitation I found my cellphone full of messages. The version of Internet Information Server could manage bandwidth — in eight megabyte increments, and only if the content was static HTML and JPEG files. With several Web servers behind the load balancer, that fell somewhere between useless and laughable. The load balancer did support traffic shaping, if we bought the new feature set. If we plopped down a credit card number, we could have it installed by next Sunday. Our big-name commercial firewall also had traffic shaping features available, if we upgraded our service level and paid an additional (and quite hefty) fee for the feature set. That left the router, which I had previously investigated and found would support traffic shaping with only an IOS upgrade.

    I was on the phone until midnight Tuesday night, making arrangements to do an emergency OS upgrade on the router on Wednesday night. I had planned to go to the funeral Wednesday morning, give the eulogy, go home and take a nap, and arrive at work at midnight ready to rock. The funeral was more dramatic than I had expected and I showed up at work at midnight sleepless, bleary-eyed, and upright only courtesy of the twin blessings of caffeine and adrenaline. In my email, I found a note that several big clients had threatened to leave unless the problem were resolved Thursday morning. If I hadn’t already been stressed out, the prospect of choosing a minion to lay off would have done the trick. (Before any of those minions start to think I care about them personally: I work hard training minions, and swinging the Club of Correction makes my arms sore. Eventually. I don’t like to replace them.)

    Still, only a simple router flash upgrade and some basic configuration stood between me and relief. What could possibly go wrong?

    The upgrade went smoothly, but the router behaved oddly when I enabled traffic shaping. Over the next few hours, I discovered that the router didn’t have enough memory to simultaneously support all of our BGP feeds and the traffic shaping functionality. Worse, this router wouldn’t accept more memory. At about six in the morning, I finally got an admission from the router vendor that they could not help me.

    I hung up the phone. The first client who had threatened departure would be checking in at seven thirty AM. I had slept four hours of the last forty-eight, and had spent most of that time under fiendish levels of emotional stress. I had already emptied my stash of quarters for the soda machine, and had pillaged a co-worker’s desk for his. The caffeine and adrenaline that had gotten me to the office had long since worn off, and further doses of each merely slowed my collapse. We had support contracts on every piece of equipment, and they were all useless. All the hours of work my team and I had put in left me with absolutely nothing.

    I made myself sit still for two minutes simply focusing on breathing, making my head stop sliding around loose on my shoulders, and ignoring the loud ticking clock. What could be done in ninety minutes — now only eighty-eight?

    I really had one only option. If it didn’t work, I would either lay someone off or file for unemployment myself.

    6:05 AM. I started downloading the OpenBSD install floppy image then grabbed a spare desktop machine, selecting it from amongst many similar machines by virtue of it being on top of the pile. The next few minutes I alternated between hitting the few required installation commands and dismantling every unused machine unlucky enough to be in reach to find two decent network cards.

    By 6:33 AM I had two Intel EtherExpress cards in my hands and a virgin OpenBSD system. I logged in long enough to shut the system down so I could wrench the case off, slam the cards into place, and boot again. Even early versions of PF included all sorts of nifty filtering abilities, all of which I ignored in favor of the newly-integrated traffic-shaping functions. By 6:37 AM I was wheeling a cart with a monitor, keyboard, and my new traffic shaper over to the rack.

    Then things got hard. I didn’t have a spare switch that could handle our Internet bandwidth. The router rack was jammed to overflowing, leaving me no place to put the new shaper. I lost almost half an hour finding a crossover cable, and when I discovered one it was only two feet long. The router, of course, was mounted in the top of the rack. About 7:10 AM, I discovered that if I put the desktop PC on end, balanced it on an empty shipping box, and put the box on the mail cart, the cable just reached the router. I stacked everything so it would reach and began re-wiring the network and reconfiguring subnets.

    I vaguely recall my manager coming in about 7:15 AM, asking with taut calmness if he could help. If I remember correctly, as I typed madly at the router console I said “Yes. Go away.”

    At 7:28 AM we had an OpenBSD traffic shaper between the hosting area and our router. All the client applications were reachable from the Internet. I collapsed in my chair and stared blankly at the wall.

    While everything seemed to work, the proof would be in what happened as our offending site started its daily business. I watched with growing tension as that client’s network traffic climbed towards the red line that indicated trouble. The traffic grew to just short of the danger line — and flatlined. Other clients called, happy that their service was restored to its usual quality. (One complained that his site was still slow, but it turned out that bandwidth problems had masked an application problem.) The problem client complained that their web site now ran even slower than before, to which we offered to purchase more bandwidth if they’d agree to buy it.

    I taped a note to the shipping box that said “Touch this and I will kill you,” staggered to my car, and by some miracle got home.

    Shortly afterwards, I had two new routers and new DS3s. The racks were again clean. The decrepit desktop machine was replaced by two rack-mount OpenBSD boxes in a live-failover configuration, protecting our big-name commercial firewall as well as shaping traffic. And I now keep a crossover cables in a variety of lengths.

    Should we have had traffic shaping in place before selling service? Absolutely. As with any startup, though, our hands were full fixing the agonies of the moment and less on the future.

    If I had started with OpenBSD, I would have had a much better night.

    (Want more OpenBSD? Check out my book Absolute OpenBSD.)

    Public Service Announcement on Painting Old Brick

    A modern hand scraper and wire brush can strip peeling, mildewy paint from a concrete basement wall almost easily — at least, much easier than when I was a kid and had to do the same job with a pointed stick and piece of chalk. The equipment comes with warnings in big black letters. “Wear Goggles!” “Wear Gloves!” “May Sever Fingers!” And so on. You don’t want to get a flying paint chip in your eye.

    Unfortunately, it doesn’t come with a warning that says “Keep Mouth Shut.”

    Describing the taste of a hundred-year-old mildewed paint chip as “Lovecraftian” would leave me without adequate vocabulary to describe the texture.

    The moral is: when you need to shut up and do the job, don’t forget the “shut up” part.