My new FreeBSD Journal column just went to the editor.
Oh AWOL, my succulent summer child,
You’re the latest model of Human(tm), a digital native, theoretically enlightened by access to the collected wisdom of our species. Are your sources of wholesome, cogent, and actionable advice so limited that reaching out to a grizzled sysadmin seemed wise? True, this is an advice column. I offer advice. I also offer trepanning and experimental epidemiology but you don’t see people queuing for either of those do you? The Internet has Captain Awkward and Doctor Nerdlove and Dear Prudence and Ask A Manager and Dear Abby and you decided that no, you want to live abhorrently so you’re beseeching a grant of “wisdom” from a system administrator known for enhancing rat operated vehicles with nitrous oxide boosters. If you’re from a civilized country you even have health care so you could access counseling, or perhaps I should say intensive counseling because a few minutes into your first session the therapist would hit the big red button and you’d have a comfortable new home with three hot meals a day, your own bed guaranteed 98% free from arthropod infestation, and a meticulously personalized medication regimen because, after all, you think that sysadmins dispense sensible advice for a better life.
For more of my ill-advised advice, grab a copy of Dear Abyss.